I love the book "Wind in the Willows," and while Mr. Toad's adventures are never named as such in the book (the name has been given to a number of thrill rides at amusement parks), his life was one wild ride. As I review the last three weeks of my life, Mr. Toad and I have a lot in common. Three weeks ago today, I got home from Three Rivers Hospital with a new knee, a bag full of medicine, a significant amount of pain, and a road in front of me leading to recovery. I had high expectations of myself, but I also realized that I had a long way to go.
That journey started the next day with Physical Therapy appointment Number One---yes, PT four days after surgery! I learned a few more things at that appointment; this journey was going to hurt---a lot---and it was not going to be fun and games. The surgeon had commented that I would hate him for the first four weeks after surgery....he never had a chance because the physical therapists were at the top of the hit/hate list!!
But you know what? Three weeks down the line, I am walking without pain. Due to the work of the therapists, I have full range of my knee. As much as I have cussed them, as much as the sweat and tears have flowed, I owe them so much! I have come much farther than I ever expected in a very short time, and a friend commented yesterday that I am already walking better than I was before the surgery....those comments make me feel real good about what has happened.
Then there were the drugs. I absolutely had to have those drugs for the first two weeks; I would not have made it otherwise---total knee replacements HURT! But then the time came when the drugs were no longer required so I quit taking them---stopped cold turkey! Not the best idea I ever had, because I got to spend a couple of days with what my sister (who did the same thing) calls a "combination of morning sickness and a hangover that will not go away." I am much wiser now, and if the other knee ever has to be done, I will taper off the drugs!
So now I am narcotic free and nearly drug free. I walked a quarter mile today with no pain. My biggest problem is that I am forbidden to drive for another 15 days, but I have a multitude of friends who want to help me to a point where they will come and get me and just take me for a drive! I am blessed.
I am not at the end of the road by any means, but I am no longer looking at it as a miserable, slogging sort of a journey. Mr. Toad was a seeker of excitement, so as the road continues, so will the wild ride, not a ride of pain and struggle, but a road of wild adventure---and for that, I am very grateful!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Knees and Cows and Other Things
The other day I was on my way to Brookings to pick up another prescription. It was one of those days where the clouds were here and there and the sun was in and out. I came around a corner just as the clouds broke, allowing the sun to strike a field near the highway. Green is a weak word to describe the field...it was GREEN! It has been raining, so things around here are springtime green, so when the sun hits it, it is wonderful. Making it even more wonderful was the presence of a small herd of Jersey cows in the field. Their golden brown coats glistened in stark contrast to the green. As they moved in the dance of grazing, the gold rippled against the green; it was an amazing sight.
While I watched them, I remembered another day, another field, and another herd of cattle. It was probably thirty years ago in a poppy-filled pasture near Hollister, California. The green was not visible because of the carpet of brilliant orange poppies, and grazing in the middle of the poppies was a small herd of Black Angus cows. Once again it was the contrast; placid black up to their stomachs in golden orange. I was on a motorcycle at the time, and it was time to pull over and simply drink in the scene. I am so grateful for the colorful palette of nature!
So the knee business is right around the corner. I am a bit anxious, but I have a great surgeon, and I will be in a great hospital. I have a good attitude about what I have to do to make this happen, and most of all, God is with me. My mantra shall be that everything will turn out exactly as it is supposed to and all will be well. Besides, I get six weeks to be a passenger and look out the window at the most beautiful world...a blessing in its own right!
While I watched them, I remembered another day, another field, and another herd of cattle. It was probably thirty years ago in a poppy-filled pasture near Hollister, California. The green was not visible because of the carpet of brilliant orange poppies, and grazing in the middle of the poppies was a small herd of Black Angus cows. Once again it was the contrast; placid black up to their stomachs in golden orange. I was on a motorcycle at the time, and it was time to pull over and simply drink in the scene. I am so grateful for the colorful palette of nature!
So the knee business is right around the corner. I am a bit anxious, but I have a great surgeon, and I will be in a great hospital. I have a good attitude about what I have to do to make this happen, and most of all, God is with me. My mantra shall be that everything will turn out exactly as it is supposed to and all will be well. Besides, I get six weeks to be a passenger and look out the window at the most beautiful world...a blessing in its own right!
Monday, February 6, 2012
The Next One Is for Real
I missed Friday, my normal writing day, because I was not capable of writing. I was not capable of stringing two coherent thoughts together. I had a feeling when the doctor wanted to double the dosage of the previous drug trial, the one that worked just fine, thank you very much, that there was going to be a problem, and man! Did I ever hit the nail on the head! When my blood pressure hit 90/63 and I could not stay awake, it was time to quit. The trial did stop the pain, but it stopped everything else as well! I am willing to suffer a little in exchange for thinking!!
So the next drug trial is for real. Another tree died for my sake, as I travelled to Grants Pass today to fill out another ream or so of paperwork. The whole experience is gaining reality now, and while I am a tiny bit nervous, I am not anxious. I learned long ago, when I was climbing the walls in anticipation of another surgery, that everything will happen exactly as it is supposed to happen and all will be well. If I believe in turning my will and life over to the care of God, then I believe that God will take care of me now and in the future. I just want to get it done so I can get on with rehab and get on with my life!
I want to do three things after my knee is fixed: I want to go walking in the redwoods, on any trail I choose, not just the flat accessible ones; I want to play nine holes of golf at the little course where Zach and I play and not be hobbling when I finish; I want to take my dog to the beach and walk with her---right now the unevenness of the sand is just too painful. Course, I am also thinking about learning to cross-country ski next winter, but I will have to bounce that one off the doctor first! In short, I used to be very into physical activity, and I want to go there again. I don't think that is asking too much!
So the next drug trial is for real. Another tree died for my sake, as I travelled to Grants Pass today to fill out another ream or so of paperwork. The whole experience is gaining reality now, and while I am a tiny bit nervous, I am not anxious. I learned long ago, when I was climbing the walls in anticipation of another surgery, that everything will happen exactly as it is supposed to happen and all will be well. If I believe in turning my will and life over to the care of God, then I believe that God will take care of me now and in the future. I just want to get it done so I can get on with rehab and get on with my life!
I want to do three things after my knee is fixed: I want to go walking in the redwoods, on any trail I choose, not just the flat accessible ones; I want to play nine holes of golf at the little course where Zach and I play and not be hobbling when I finish; I want to take my dog to the beach and walk with her---right now the unevenness of the sand is just too painful. Course, I am also thinking about learning to cross-country ski next winter, but I will have to bounce that one off the doctor first! In short, I used to be very into physical activity, and I want to go there again. I don't think that is asking too much!
Friday, January 27, 2012
A Little Divine Intervention, Maybe...
I would like to say something about a week drawing to a close...Fridays are supposed to do that...but this week has gained momentum as the week progressed, and I am going to hit Saturday at a dead run, a run that is not going to stop until Thursday, and there are no guarantees of stopping then!
It all started on Monday when Sandy finally lost her battle with cancer. She fought an amazing battle against the disease, a battle that lasted just over a year. There was already one funeral on the calendar because Fred, one of my golfing friends, had passed away a couple of days earlier, and Sandy joined him. Then on Wednesday, Clarence passed on to his heavenly reward. We lost him many years ago to ravages of Alzheimers, and he took his place in my week. Then Levi went home to God much too early, and he too found his place. Four very different people; four services of celebration and sadness. I knew Sandy and Fred pretty well; Clarence not so well; Levi in spirit only. As I think about how these four lives have intersected with mine at this point in time, I am at once tired, sad, and joyful. That is where the Divine intervention comes in...the need to be guided to say and do the right things over the next few days. It will not be a perfect time, but even in the mess, God is there...I cannot forget that!
Today is also the last day of my 62nd year....my 63rd begins tomorrow. There was a time in my life that 62 sounded old, but no more. While tonight I feel 62, most days I don't. I am only as old as I feel and most days I think forty sounds about right! However, today is not most days, so I think I shall go to bed!
It all started on Monday when Sandy finally lost her battle with cancer. She fought an amazing battle against the disease, a battle that lasted just over a year. There was already one funeral on the calendar because Fred, one of my golfing friends, had passed away a couple of days earlier, and Sandy joined him. Then on Wednesday, Clarence passed on to his heavenly reward. We lost him many years ago to ravages of Alzheimers, and he took his place in my week. Then Levi went home to God much too early, and he too found his place. Four very different people; four services of celebration and sadness. I knew Sandy and Fred pretty well; Clarence not so well; Levi in spirit only. As I think about how these four lives have intersected with mine at this point in time, I am at once tired, sad, and joyful. That is where the Divine intervention comes in...the need to be guided to say and do the right things over the next few days. It will not be a perfect time, but even in the mess, God is there...I cannot forget that!
Today is also the last day of my 62nd year....my 63rd begins tomorrow. There was a time in my life that 62 sounded old, but no more. While tonight I feel 62, most days I don't. I am only as old as I feel and most days I think forty sounds about right! However, today is not most days, so I think I shall go to bed!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Another Trip...
I was hoping last weekend would be the first and last drug trial, but he wanted me to do one more...so on this Saturday night I am at the end of another trial. Although the medications were stronger this time, I have had a lot better time of it than last weekend. First of all, I was aware of some of the side effects which would probably happen so I could head them off at the pass, but the higher dose seemed to work better, and I cannot explain that!
I went to physical therapy last week for the first time, and discovered that I am way ahead of the curve in terms of fitness. While I have always been heavy, I have also always been strong, and I think the therapist was a bit surprised at the strength in my legs. My leg is 6 degrees away from being straight, so we are working on stretching out the muscles to get it straight before surgery. I will meet with the therapist at the pool on Tuesday and hopefully get some variety for my pool workouts. Walking for an hour and a half gets boring!
It rained a lot this week...10 inches to be precise. We went from not enough rain to water, water everywhere in three days. It only rained half an inch in the last 24 hours and I guess another storm is on its way. I reserve my right to complain about the weather, even though I know that rain here is part of the deal. What tickles me is that on rainy days, the swimming pool is almost empty....the people tell me that they stay home because they don't want to get wet!
Jo'Ann and I did a movie marathon this afternoon...heavy stuff: "Up," "Madagascar," and "Madagascar: Back 2 Africa." It was fun and we think we want to do it again. "Up" is a great movie for a discussion group...a very heavy movie disguised as a children's story! I may have to preach on it one of these days.
It is almost time for the last pills and bedtime---tomorrow is all about the kingdom of God...one of my favorite subjects!
I went to physical therapy last week for the first time, and discovered that I am way ahead of the curve in terms of fitness. While I have always been heavy, I have also always been strong, and I think the therapist was a bit surprised at the strength in my legs. My leg is 6 degrees away from being straight, so we are working on stretching out the muscles to get it straight before surgery. I will meet with the therapist at the pool on Tuesday and hopefully get some variety for my pool workouts. Walking for an hour and a half gets boring!
It rained a lot this week...10 inches to be precise. We went from not enough rain to water, water everywhere in three days. It only rained half an inch in the last 24 hours and I guess another storm is on its way. I reserve my right to complain about the weather, even though I know that rain here is part of the deal. What tickles me is that on rainy days, the swimming pool is almost empty....the people tell me that they stay home because they don't want to get wet!
Jo'Ann and I did a movie marathon this afternoon...heavy stuff: "Up," "Madagascar," and "Madagascar: Back 2 Africa." It was fun and we think we want to do it again. "Up" is a great movie for a discussion group...a very heavy movie disguised as a children's story! I may have to preach on it one of these days.
It is almost time for the last pills and bedtime---tomorrow is all about the kingdom of God...one of my favorite subjects!
Friday, January 13, 2012
The Next Step
I went to the doctor yesterday to talk about knees, and while I know a little bit more than I did before, I am rapidly learning that this journey is going to be about letting go. It has become very apparent to me that I have absolutely no control here, and I may as well relax and enjoy the ride! I do have a surgery date: February 27, but even that is not certain. If there is a cancellation between now and then, it may move up. My job is to do everything I am supposed to do when I am supposed to do it and be ready for whatever happens...that is actually not a very hard thing to do so long as I remember that I am not the one calling the shots! Lisa at Dr. Van Horn's office is now running my life!
Today is very weird for me. Dr. Van Horn believes the best time to find out what pain meds work for a patient is before the surgery, not after. To do this, he conducts what he calls "medication trials" in which different strengths of different powerful narcotics are taken by the patient before surgery to evaluate side effects and effectiveness. I agree with the idea in principle, but today is day one of the trials for me, and to spend a "normal" day under the influence of powerful narcotics is very odd. I am thankful that I never used drugs and I don't feel threatened in that respect, but it does feel odd to be drifting along inside myself!!
Other thoughts on this day: I am down to 211 pounds. The last time I weighed this was around 7 years ago. It is my goal to weigh under 200 by the end of February because every pound I lose between now and the surgery will be a pound that is not working against me when I begin rehab. If I am seeking something to control in this time of change and challenge, I can control what goes into my mouth and what I am doing about physical conditioning...that is about all I can, or need, to handle!!
Today is very weird for me. Dr. Van Horn believes the best time to find out what pain meds work for a patient is before the surgery, not after. To do this, he conducts what he calls "medication trials" in which different strengths of different powerful narcotics are taken by the patient before surgery to evaluate side effects and effectiveness. I agree with the idea in principle, but today is day one of the trials for me, and to spend a "normal" day under the influence of powerful narcotics is very odd. I am thankful that I never used drugs and I don't feel threatened in that respect, but it does feel odd to be drifting along inside myself!!
Other thoughts on this day: I am down to 211 pounds. The last time I weighed this was around 7 years ago. It is my goal to weigh under 200 by the end of February because every pound I lose between now and the surgery will be a pound that is not working against me when I begin rehab. If I am seeking something to control in this time of change and challenge, I can control what goes into my mouth and what I am doing about physical conditioning...that is about all I can, or need, to handle!!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Relaxing in Comfort
Tonight I am sitting here in my new fuzzy slippers and a nice fluffy robe I have owned for a few years. The method to my madness was to get used to walking in the slippers as they just slip on; there is a technique to walking in them without tripping and wounding oneself severely! I got them in anticipation of my upcoming knee replacement, knowing there would be a short period of time in which putting on shoes might be difficult. It is critical that I can walk with them on and do no further damage to myself! The robe came as an afterthought, and then I decided to get truly comfortable and added a cup of herbal tea to the mix....life does not get much better than this!
I worked out really hard today at the pool. I have gone to the pool a lot anyhow, but I have stepped it up a notch to get ready for the aforementioned knee. I should know by this time next week when the surgery will be. Like all surgeries, I have a degree of anxiety, but nine holes of golf yesterday reminded me of why I want this taken care of soon...I pay a price for doing the things I love doing, and both the doctor and I feel like the price will drop if I get the knee fixed, so there are two parts to the waiting. My sister is my biggest cheerleader as she has had both of her knees replaced, so the desire to get it over with is trumping the anxiety!
In the last five months, I have lost 30 pounds, and with that several inches off my chest. That is not a problem for me, and I am discovering that along with the missing inches is coming a better golf game---now that is something to cheer about! When I get the knee fixed, the golf world better watch out! By that time, it will be dry and I won't have to play swamp golf. The ball doesn't roll in swamp golf!! I don't know that I will ever be a good golfer, but I will always have fun...even more fun when I can walk the course and not hurt. For me, golf, like fuzzy slippers and herbal tea, is relaxing, so the day will come when I can relax in comfort, even as I walk, and I like that!
I worked out really hard today at the pool. I have gone to the pool a lot anyhow, but I have stepped it up a notch to get ready for the aforementioned knee. I should know by this time next week when the surgery will be. Like all surgeries, I have a degree of anxiety, but nine holes of golf yesterday reminded me of why I want this taken care of soon...I pay a price for doing the things I love doing, and both the doctor and I feel like the price will drop if I get the knee fixed, so there are two parts to the waiting. My sister is my biggest cheerleader as she has had both of her knees replaced, so the desire to get it over with is trumping the anxiety!
In the last five months, I have lost 30 pounds, and with that several inches off my chest. That is not a problem for me, and I am discovering that along with the missing inches is coming a better golf game---now that is something to cheer about! When I get the knee fixed, the golf world better watch out! By that time, it will be dry and I won't have to play swamp golf. The ball doesn't roll in swamp golf!! I don't know that I will ever be a good golfer, but I will always have fun...even more fun when I can walk the course and not hurt. For me, golf, like fuzzy slippers and herbal tea, is relaxing, so the day will come when I can relax in comfort, even as I walk, and I like that!
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