Thoughts at the End of 2009

Five hours left in a year that has been interesting to say the least! There have been some problems in 2009, but there have also been some incredibly bright spots, and that is the case for all years. While certain stories dominate the news and my thoughts, no period of time is ever all bad or all good; the world and the life experiences of the people in it are just too vast for them all to be of one type or another, and for that I am very grateful! 2009 is simply another year, and the events of that year will help formulate the events of the year to come, just as all other years in the past have done.

All that being said, I hope the new year starts better than the old one ended! For the first time in 13 years of ministry, I called in sick last Sunday morning, and it felt all wrong! Regardless of how it felt, however, the high fever, the concrete sinuses and the never ending cough indicated that it was not a good day for me to be around people, much less try to talk to them! It was a good day to hibernate in my chair and that is what I did. I do not like being sick; I am not a patient patient, and it is very difficult for me to slow down and take care of myself. But the older I get, I have come to realize the necessity of doing just those things. If I make a resolution, and I don't do that much any more, it will be to continue to work on taking care of myself and listening to my body!

The storms are raging outside as I write---2009 is going out like a lion! But the storms bring water and snow and the promises of a good year to come, so I smile and relax. Football is happening and I don't have to go outside until NEXT Sunday!

Reflections on the Storms

It has been a while and many good things have happened; now all I need to do is discipline myself to write about them! I missed writing about the wonder of the autumn drive over the mountains or the way in which Mount Shasta absolutely dominates everything. I missed out on sharing about the amazing amount of food the church collected for the food drive, and the close encounter with a bald eagle was a while ago! (I still might talk about that rather amazing event!) That seems to be the story of the world in which I live; I am surrounded by wonderful things and I don't take time to really examine them and reflect on them!
So what is going on today? It is pouring down rain and the wind is howling---the kind of storm we call a "Del Norter"! It is very typical weather for this part of the world, but it is difficult nonetheless. It is a day for a cup of tea in front of a warm fire, for even the ducks are in hiding!
It is also sort of the middle of "the holidays," that period of time in which there are storms of emotion and human chaos. The sad get sadder, the happy get happier, and the speed of things becomes a swirling mass. There are parts of it that I love, and parts of it that wear me out! I have done all the secular things; the cards are mailed, the presents bought and wrapped and under the tree, the token number of parties and concerts attended and all of that stuff. Now it is time for me to reclaim the sacred. When I can leave the mall behind and walk into the presence of the manger, the storm ceases and "all is calm, all is bright." The work is still there, but it is work which can be met peacefully!
External peace is not possible unless a whole bunch of people suddenly decide to cooperate, but internal peace is always within my grasp. That is what I find when my focus turns away from "the holidays' and into Christmas.
My prayer is that all might take time to know the Prince of Peace, in whatever form he might come to each person; then the storms will cease!

Veterans Day Once Again

Veteran's Day 2009
For some reason, this year is the year that I have broken through my disinterest at being a veteran. For many years, I have chosen to separate myself from that part of my life, living with a sense of "why bother." I was in the military service from 1974-1984--three years on active duty and seven more in the active reserve. The so-called "Vietnam Era" ended about three weeks before I enlisted, so most of the men with whom I worked had been to Vietnam. Their anger became my anger, and when we were told that it was still not safe to wear the uniform in public, I felt the same dishonor. When I was called "baby killer" in an airport, I felt the same rage! I was too young to realize that the name calling people were just stupid because women in the combat zones in those days were the so-called "noncombatants"; we were only just beginning to be trained to kill even as we were dying there.

Thirty years later, I am beginning to feel gratitude for the privilege of serving in the military. This is a great country and I am proud to have served it. I still do not like war---I figured that out during a training exercise in 1976 or so while lying in three or four inches of water in a simulated rice paddy while they fired live machine gun rounds over our heads---but I value the time spent in uniform. I feel like that time somehow gives me some ownership over the place I live.

My dad was in World War II, also a non-combatant. He fixed the airplanes which helped bring the war with Japan to its conclusion. Most of his friends did not know he was in the service until his obituary was printed in the paper. He was also very upset when I made the decision to enlist. I wonder if he felt the same way I did, because he was a man of peace. I wonder if his disinterest had to do with his reluctant acceptance of the need for an army. I wish I could ask him that question.

So today I will accept that part of my life. I will not become a raging patriot because those folks scare me, but I can carry in my soul the realization that I did my job for my country, and I did it to the best of my ability at a very tough time in our nation's history. That is enough.

Fear versus faith

I had a conversation with a friend the other day that turned to the subject of fear. As our conversation progressed, I came to the realization that all of my fear is firmly based in the future! Try as I might, I cannot think of anything happening right now that causes me fear; it is all about what might be. Even if there is a rattlesnake coiled in the middle of my living room floor, I am only afraid that it MIGHT strike; if it strikes, I am then afraid that I MIGHT die. So when I am afraid about bills or the weather or whether or not someone likes me, those fears are based in a time other than right now. In the twelve step recovery program, people are taught to stay in the now, to quit worrying about the future or regretting the past. Jesus reminded those who followed him to worry about today and let tomorrow's worries take care of themselves.

So then I thought some more: Can I profess to be a person of faith and be afraid at the same time? That is a tough question, because in a perfect world, fear and faith cannot live in the same person at the same time. If I trust that all will be well, how can I be afraid? If I truly trust that God will take care of me, how can I worry about what will happen in the next hour, day, week, month?

What saves me is that I do not live in a perfect world. I forget and when I forget, I become afraid. The good news is that I don't forget as often as I used to. Prayer and meditation have become a habit rather than a bandaid for emergencies, and I have discovered that regular prayer and meditation feed my faith, banishing fear to the dark corners. Fear is not gone; but it is weakened in the sunlight of faith, and for that I am very grateful!

I really enjoyed my sister's visit. One of the things that often happens to me is that I will travel across the United States to see new things while I am missing the things here at home. My sister had never seen a redwood tree, and had only seen the ocean a couple of times. I live next to the ocean, and I walk among the redwoods all the time. While I love both of these things of nature, I had become so used to them that they had lost their incredible magnificence. I literally could not see the forest for the trees. Spending three days among the trees with my sister helped me to see them once again; to see them for the incredible living beings that they are! Hearing her exclamations of amazement about the size and extent of the ocean caused me to open my eyes to its power and strength.

It is awfully easy to do that same thing with almost anything familiar. George and I have been married thirty years, and I catch myself taking him and our life together for granted. I have a big wonderful family scattered all over the place, but until I began trying to catch up on them in the conversations with my sister, I did not realize how disconnected I had become. I live in a beautiful place, and I often don't see it. I serve a wonderful church filled with magnificent people, and I lose sight of that amidst the little problems which come up because people are people! My prayer for myself (and for everyone I know) is that we all might open our eyes and truly appreciate the world in which we live. It might be a great surprise!!!

I spent today cleaning house. As most of the people who know me can tell you, I hate cleaning house, but I am cleaning because my sister is coming for a visit. (Isn't it always the case that company inspires cleaning??) For the first time in our adult lives, my sister is coming to spend some time as a guest in my home. She is coming without spouse, kids, parents, or any of the other distractions with which we have surrounded ourselves for years. For four days, it will be the two of us, catching up on thirty years of separation. I am both excited and a bit apprehensive. I hope she appreciates the place I live as much as I love sharing it with family and friends, and I hope our conversations can reaffirm the love I have for her and for all of my family.

As a break from the cleaning, George and I went to the sandwich shop where we encountered a young man walking across America in honor of his mother who died of cancer last year. His goal is to walk 20 miles a day as well as to encourage each of the people he meets to walk 20 minutes every day. I can do that---I want to do that to honor this man. We bought him a sandwich and put him up in a motel room for the night. It is drizzling rain, so a warm bed and a hot shower will give him the energy to keep on. I am going to find his web site and keep track of him so I can let him know that I am honoring him with 20 minutes every day.

So it has been a good day---the house is clean, I an excited about family, and I have been blessed, inspired, and encouraged by a stranger! Can it be any better than that?? I think not!!!

Welcome!

I have always wanted a place where I could reflect on the world and then make it available for others to see---welcome to "From Down Here." The title came from the title of a column I write each month for the church newsletter--The View from Down Here. I don't look doown on the world, but rather enjoy looking up at what is going on. It is easier to be objective. I hope you enjoy the random thoughts which will appear here on occasion. I have no intention of being one who blogs every day unless something wonderful happens, but then I will peobably write every day if I write when wonderful things happen! Blessings and peace.....Carol